Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts

Every Day In May: Day 1 - Introduction pt. 2

I'm doing a thing.~ I'm going to try and blog every day in May. My first day is a (refreshed) introduction about myself and I'm already running late!

I wrote a very small, vague introduction when I first started this blog but I'll probably refresh most of that one here.

I'm Chrysta. I'm the whopping age of 22 and currently residing in the State of Texas. I'm having a wave of happy feet and hopefully moving up North soon. If you read my previous posts, you'll read a lot about that! My husband and I have a little girl together who is the center of our whole world.

I don't really know how to explain myself with words but I'll do my best.
I enjoy the simple things in life, for the most part. I'm a huge ball of complications but I just want the simple things. Makes sense, right? I have a heart for the Oregon Ducks, Volkswagens, and manual cars all thanks to my husband, Josh. I'm still trying to find happiness within and it's definitely taken me for a wild ride. I want too many different things at once and I won't let myself decide what one to actually go with.

I have my own domain in the works here, so keep an eye out for that! I'll be sure to notify y'all when it happens, though!

This may just be as vague as my original post, but it's just going to have to work. ;)

Washington Pt. 2

The in laws house will be on the market Wednesday at the latest. I guess it hit me hard last night because I could not stop crying. I just kept thinking about all of the horrible what if's to the situation. Like said in a previous post - my PawPaw isn't in the best of health right now. What would happen if worse came to worst? Would I be able to make it back home? Plane tickets are expensive if you have to buy them day of, what if we don't have the money at the time to drop on a plane ticket? These questions don't even apply to just PawPaw. They apply to everyone down here.

Going back a little bit, we don't have to move with them, but that has been the plan. When and if they move, Josh won't have any family members down here. But if I move, I won't have any family members up North. So is Josh the one that has to go without family or friends or am I the one? How is it decided who gets the better part of the situation?

It's something we both have to talk about and figure out the pros and the cons. I would love to get out of Texas. I love that Texans are so adamant about their state, as they should be! Texas is pretty great (then again, I don't know any different), but it's the only place I've ever known and I would love to spread my wings and explore. I hope that if we do decide to move, that I would be able to enjoy the move and not be depressed the whole time. I guess only time will tell.

only in the darkness can you see stars

I'm in a bad place mentally right now. It's been coming in waves and the last wave has been one of the worst one yet. I've said a thousand and one times about how I'm getting help, and then I stop getting the help or I don't start getting it at all. The thousand and second time's a charm though, right?

It's like I'm a couple different people all rolled into one. There is the "me" that needs help and the "me" that is at least a little bit normal. I ask for help and by the time that I get help, it's the "me" that doesn't think she needs help and doesn't think that there is anything wrong even though the "me" that needs help is still creeping somewhere down in the back of my mind. I'm aware that it's a bit confusing, but that's how my mind is working right now.

I don't know what action we're going to take to get me in a better mental state. To be honest, it should have been done years ago. I can't change the past, but I can make a future. I have a husband that I love and that wants to see me happy. I have a daughter that depends on me. Maybe it was okay when it was just the single me that didn't have a husband or a daughter, but I can't let myself get any worse. I guess this is to new beginnings, maybe I'll actually stick to it this time.

March Madness

and we're not talking about the basketball tournament!

March itself has been one hell of a month filled with stress and headaches, but most of all, love!

Raleigh is sure eager to walk! Her personality is coming out A LOT lately and she's just the sweetest little bundle of joy. I do everything I can for her and make sure that she has everything she needs. I also feel like my pregnancy emotions are never going to go away. It's either that, or there is just something else that is making me constantly emotional. Even with the smallest things. It's also with the really big things that could make almost anyone cry. You know, like the military videos of the Moms, Dads, Brothers, Sisters, or some other family member coming home and surprising someone?! Yeah, I can not watch those types of videos without having all my feels coming out!

This past week of March has been COMPLETE HELL. I don't think anything went right, but that's okay! We take our problems as we get them. Some of the things could have been a lot worse and I'm thankful that they weren't. A few things could be a lot better, but unfortunately, that's not my call.

We're taking a different route in finding a place. It was vaguely said in a previous post and I'll have a post here soon explaining more of what's going on. Long story short, we're not getting a house where we are right now. The mortgage dude put all of the eggs in the basket before they hatched and it really just screwed us over, but in the end, it worked out better for us.

This post was a little bit all over the place. That's the madness of March. I really hope that there is better things in store for us! Send some positive vibes and some positive thoughts if you will. ~

~

I go to a weekly "class" type thing called where a lot of people with troubles just go to talk, hang out, or just get out of the house for a little bit.

In the beginning they talk about how they don't care what your sexual orientation is, what your religion views are, and just stuff like that. Then, when I ask for advice, all they do is shove god down my throat and say "just pray to god, he will show you the way."

Okay, before someone gets all huffy-puffy - I believe in god. I am not a christian and I do not claim to be a christian. I believe that there is a higher power, but who is to say that the higher power I see is the same one you see? I'm not just completely inexperienced with god and religion, it just didn't work out for me. I don't think that me praying that my dog has a broken leg is going to heal his leg any faster than what a cast would do. I guess until I see something life changing, my thoughts are going to stay the same as they are now.

Okay, well, to get to the point.. hearing "just pray to god" wasn't really the advice I was looking for. I haven't prayed to him in so long that even if I did he would just push it off. It's like going to a family member and talking to them only when you want money or something. It's not right to do and I wouldn't go to someone only when I needed something.

I guess I'm just sitting in a hole playing tug-of-war with myself. I don't know what to do, but I guess that I'm just going to have to figure that out by myself.

~



If finding a house where we live now wasn't stressful enough, we may be moving halfway across the United States. It really all depends on if my in laws move back home. It's like a real life "Love It Or List It" with a little bit of change. (Josh's) Dad wants to "list it" but Mom also doesn't exactly "love it." She's mainly just tired of moving. I couldn't even imagine what moving is like. I've only moved once and it was about thirty minutes away and I moved back into my childhood home about a year after I first moved out.

It's something that we're really going to have to talk about and decipher the pros and the cons. If Josh's parents move back home, he'll be here without family or anyone he grew up with. He's already without people he grew up with, but at least he has his parents here. If we move with them then it will be me that is without family or any of my friends. It would be nice to have a complete change, but there is a handful of people I really wouldn't want to leave behind.

I'm not too sure how we would be able to find jobs and a house without being there. Josh will probably be able to get a job with his brother, but that still leaves finding a place to stay. We might just have to rent until we were able to find a home.

I mean, it's not even a for sure thing that they would be moving at all. We've been contemplating going to Oregon/Washington before we even found out that they were going to put their house on the market. Kinda jokingly saying it with serious thoughts about it.

What do you all think we should do? Have you ever moved super far away from family and friends and everyone that you've known?




photo is mine.

two years.

Today my husband and I celebrated our 2 year marriage anniversary. It's really amazing to be where we are now considering how we started out.


This was me two years ago today! We got married in the dining room of my grandmother's house. It was absolutely perfect for a lot of different reasons. We planned for an 'actual' wedding ceremony and everything, but I think deep down we knew that it was never going to happen. Who spends thousands of dollars on things that you only use for one day?! I mean, if that is your intentions, then have at it! That's just not what we wanted. We spent less than $100 and I am A-OK with that. We'll probably have a small, inexpensive wedding re-vow on our fifth or so anniversary or our original idea of whenever our first born is around age 5. 



This picture was taken the same night of our ceremony. We had just got home from going out to eat and I took his phone and took a picture of us. I'm usually not one to take pictures, but this was just a moment that needed to be recorded. There was an awesome group of people at a table close by to us that bought Josh and I drinks and bought desert for the whole table. If they have somehow found my blog and remember that night, I just want to say 'Thank You!' It's definitely not something that I will ever forget.



This is one of my favorite pictures of us. It's almost two years old. As you may have figured out, we hardly have any recent pictures of us besides really badly posed holiday pictures! It's not only that I hate being in front of the camera (I really don't like photos of just myself, like really really don't like it), it's just every opportunity that we have to take photos, it always turns out really badly posed. I like the more natural look of our photos, one where I turn the camera on, snap a picture, and that's that! They turn out pretty cute, in my opinion. ;-*



This photo was taken the same day as the one above. It's probably my favorite picture of just him. It was taken during the birthday party of one of my nephews. I'm not too sure who shot him with the silly string (it was probably me), but apparently I thought it was the perfect photo opportunity.


I've ragged on the "holiday" Valentine's Day because of the "significant-other-only-showing-love-one-day-out-of-the-year" thing and the competition that comes with it. We are 100% on the same page about it and don't celebrate that holiday (if you can even call it a holiday?). Neither one of us are perfect, but I think we do a pretty good job of showing love to one another daily. Whether it's something as small as kissing in the morning, when he gets home from work, and before bed, or sending a random text because we were thinking about one another. Just anything! I mean the list really goes on and on. I'm not trying to say that we're a perfect married couple and that we never fight, because we definitely do and we definitely have. The best advice I ever got from someone when Josh and I got married was "never go to bed mad." I stand by that big time.

At first I was really on the fence about doing something for our anniversary. It's just not my thing to celebrate something like that. It kind of goes hand in hand with Valentine's Day, except it's also completely different. Valentine's Day is the same day for everyone and everyone seems to make it a competition, but our wedding anniversary is our day. There's no one else there to compete with us on that day. I mean, I'm sure that there is someone else in the world that got married on the same day that we did, but how likely is it that they are in the same town as we are?



This is us today. We are more in love than ever and our love keeps growing every day. I don't regret marrying young or rushing into it one bit. I couldn't imagine my life without him. He's saved me from so much and he keeps me sane. He is an amazing dad and husband.

This is to two years and many, many more.

square one, my slate is clear.

It's really something I need to do. It's not for anyone else except for myself.
I'm starting new. I'm going to forget about everything negative that has been going on in my life and just start new as much as I can.
I'm really good about dwelling on the past and letting it become who I am. Whether it's a death in the family, a friendship gone bad, a bad day, irritating family members, et cetera. I just keep letting things that shouldn't matter to me upset me.
It's even stuff as minuscule as someone posting something on instagram that I don't agree with or someone having a sticker in the back window of their car or just hearing about someone and getting heated over the things that I hear without going to the source about it. These things don't affect me, or better, I shouldn't be letting them affect me. But I still do. I let them negatively affect me and that is why I want to change.
Granted, I have changed a lot since the 2009-2011 era. I let an ex influence me to be something that I never use to be. I can't really blame him, because I let him influence me. At the time, I guess I just didn't want to disappoint anyone. Even if that meant that my happiness was never going to be a factor. I just think I have a little bit more of mental changing to do before I am content.
So that's what I'm going to do. I'm starting new.
No more grudges, no more getting heated over stuff that doesn't apply to me, no more dwelling.
One of the first steps I think I should take is limit my social media time.
Another step I'm going to take is stop worrying about what other people are doing so much unless it pertains to me.
I'm going to start letting go of things as well as I can.
I'm going to forget the grudges.
I'm going to let go of the past.

I think this will help me be who I want to be.
This post is really all over the place, but I was just trying these thoughts down.
If you read this, I really appreciate it.
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New Things!

After so long of waiting! 
(Kinda joking, got 2 day shipping but I've been needing an upgrade for a while now.)



I bought a used Canon EOS Rebel 1000D/XS at the end of 2011. They were manufactured in 2008, so I was pretty much due for an upgrade as soon as I got it. But it was my first DSLR and I didn't want to over-do myself since I'm not a photographer and I don't claim to be. It would have been cool to have kept it to keep in my future office of our future house, but that was wishful thinking and the money that I sold it for went towards the price of my Canon EOS Rebel 700D/T5i. 

I got it off of amazon and all of the extra accessories were suppose to be Polaroid, but that's another story for another day. Even with knock-off accessories, it was still a super good price. I'm not mad about it because I knew it was going to happen with all of the customer reviews. Even if I bought just the Canon EOS Rebel T5i 18-55MM IS STM Kit alone, it would have been the same price if not more.  I'll slowly but surely be buying quality products. I'm really wanting a wireless flash, fisheye lens, a remote control that has a delay, and a couple more accessories.
What are some MUST HAVES that I should get?

I have yet to name it/him/her, but it's just going to have grow on me. You can't just give someone a nickname and it's the same way with my camera! I've seen one named Canon O'Brien and I can only hope that I could be as witty as the owner of Mr. O'Brien. I'm not too sure if it's the normal thing to do but who wants to be normal anyways?!
Do you have a name for yours?

I'm hoping to get a little better and figuring out the settings so I can get perfect moments of our little family. It's the biggest reason of why I wanted a new camera. My XS could do a lot, but it couldn't do video and that was one of my biggest factors when picking out a new camera. 

Just January.

Well, January was just that. It was just just.

Josh and I have started the process of buying a house this month. It wasn't suppose to be this way, but things in our previous plan just didn't work out in our favor. I don't really want to be upset over it, but I sort of am. I guess everything happens for a reason though. I think us finding a home that we will both be content with is going to be harder than the rest of the process. He wants three bedrooms, I want four. He wants two bathrooms, I want three. There's just so many things that we need to be on the same page about. It's finding a home that we both will FALL IN LOVE with that's going to be the difficult part. There is no settling for something that we actually don't like. I mean this isn't going to be a place that we can just up and leave if we wanted to, it's going to be a forever home, a part of us, the home that our daughter and future kids are going to grow up in and have their first memories. There's absolutely no settling. Maybe it'll go a little bit better to plan than what I'm thinking it'll turn out to be.

Moving on...

I'm not big on half birthdays, but when it's my daughter's, of course I'm going to be biased. She turned 6 months about half way through January. She's our amazing little miracle. She started to crawl in January and perfected it by Super Bowl Sunday. By the end of the January, she had one little tooth that had finally popped through. It seems like she has been teething for much longer than she really has been, but we finally have some results! Unfortunately for Raleigh, all of the restless nights, chewing on fingers and anything else she could get to her mouth, crying when she didn't know how to soothe herself and we couldn't do it enough for her, and then finally passing out are still going to happen for at least a little bit longer. If only us Moms and Dads could cure anything little thing that was wrong with our babies.

Since we're on the subject - here's some other pretty big moments of the new year so far that happened in my life!
- Marcus Mariota won the Heisman Trophy this year! My love for The Ducks has grown a little bit more and more over the years, but the 2014 Season was probably the most invested I have ever been in the team. I really wish that we could have won the Championship, but dang!, Ohio State wasn't going to be easy. They're a good team! Props to them. I really hope that Matt Mariota isn't going to feel so much pressure being on the team this year.
- I'm trying to get into shape and at least eat a little bit healthier. So far, not drinking soft drinks is the only thing I've done. However, I've turned to more tea (and sips of my husband's energy drinks, oops!). Sometimes sweet, sometimes not, sometimes half and half. So for me, it's kind of like a two-step-forwards-and-one-step-back kind of deal since tea can have a lot of sugar in it at times. For some reason, I just can't find the motivation even though this is want I want most! How do you all stay motivated?

Stay tuned for my February post, it'll likely be a little bit late like this January post! (Hey! Only four days! That's not that bad!)
How has this new year been going for you all?

Introduction

I guess I'll use my first post as an introduction of myself.

My name is Chrysta, but if you're here on my blog, chances are that you already know that. I'm 22, married to Josh, and we have a little girl together. I live in a small town where nothing is happening and everyone knows every detail of everything that goes on around here.

My plans for this blog will probably something along the lines of updates of my family and plans that we have for the future and just random whatnot's.

Enjoy and be sure to give me a follow if you do that!