only in the darkness can you see stars

I'm in a bad place mentally right now. It's been coming in waves and the last wave has been one of the worst one yet. I've said a thousand and one times about how I'm getting help, and then I stop getting the help or I don't start getting it at all. The thousand and second time's a charm though, right?

It's like I'm a couple different people all rolled into one. There is the "me" that needs help and the "me" that is at least a little bit normal. I ask for help and by the time that I get help, it's the "me" that doesn't think she needs help and doesn't think that there is anything wrong even though the "me" that needs help is still creeping somewhere down in the back of my mind. I'm aware that it's a bit confusing, but that's how my mind is working right now.

I don't know what action we're going to take to get me in a better mental state. To be honest, it should have been done years ago. I can't change the past, but I can make a future. I have a husband that I love and that wants to see me happy. I have a daughter that depends on me. Maybe it was okay when it was just the single me that didn't have a husband or a daughter, but I can't let myself get any worse. I guess this is to new beginnings, maybe I'll actually stick to it this time.